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Credibility Through Confidence
Robert Rabbin
I define public speaking as “speaking with anyone other than our own self.” That
means we are all public speakers. The first item of business for public
speakers is to be credible, which means people must quickly believe that we are
being straight with them, that we are telling them the truth as we know it, that
we are using our speaking to reveal rather than conceal our true motives,
intentions, and values. In a word, we’ve got to be real. In all speaking
situations, we are the message: we command attention and respect,
we inspire others, we make the impact. If people do not believe
us, they will not believe what we say.
In public speaking, a lack of confidence will always undermine our credibility.
No one wants to listen to a timid, tentative speaker. There are two kinds of
confidence: one is earned, one is innate. Earned confidence comes from education
and training, or from years of experience. Innate confidence is an attitude of
mind, a choice to be fearlessly expressive independent of other factors. Innate
confidence is a self-blessing to speak our truth at all times because I am
entitled to speak and to be heard.
When people lose the cabin pressure of confidence and begin to spin out of
control with anxiety, fear, and self-doubt, it is because they have forgotten to
choose confidence. Why? Fear of judgment.
Here’s is a simple and fool-poof way to instantly dissolve fear of judgment and
restore our confidence. All our fear of judgment comes from ordering people on a
vertical, hierarchical axis. For example, we might order people according to
income or net worth, looks, weight, organizational position, and so on. Our fear
of judgment comes when we rank people above us on our self-created vertical
axis. Their opinion is more important than mine! If they don’t approve of me...
However, if we turn the vertical pole on its side so it becomes horizontal,
suddenly everyone’s judgment becomes just an opinion, ordered equally on the
same plane. Suddenly, judgment becomes opinion. Ours is as valid as another’s.
We all have our opinions, all are equally valid and true as an opinion.
It seems simple enough, but you might still wonder, “How does one get into this
‘horizontal’ state of mind?” First, realize that the vertical axis is supported
by a single thought, or belief: “I am not good enough.” There are any number of
back stories to this single thought, each one a reason or justification to
elevate others above us, because “I am not good enough.” Where does this thought
come from? It comes from a decision we make about our worthiness and goodness in
the wake of an awkward, embarrassing, or hurtful experience. First, we have an
experience, about which we make a decision, which becomes a belief, or a
self-fulfilling prophecy of our own inadequacy.
Understand that all the “reasons” one gives oneself to justify elevating the
opinions of others above us are made up by us, are given life by us, and are
authorized to keep us in the prison of self-suppression and doubt by us!
We simply must choose confidence, and with this confidence we can dis-create
our own creation. Choose self-confidence, just as you chose self-doubt.
Try it. It works! Here’s what one of my workshop participants said, “Oh my God!
My whole life, I’ve believed that what other people told me about me was truer
than what I told me about me! I thought because they were older, or smarter, or
more experienced, they knew better. I get it! All of I have to do now is say
‘Thank you for your opinion.’ They are not the boss of me, or my thoughts. I can
be as confident as I want, as a choice. Only I can cause me to lose confidence!”
Turn judgment to opinion and never lose the cabin pressure of
confidence again!
Remember: YOU are the message!
© 2008/Robert Rabbin/All rights reserved
Robert Rabbin is the creator of RealTime
Speaking, a boutique communication and public speaking training company, and the
author of the new book RealTime Speaking: YOU Are the Message! Visit:
www.realtimespeaking.com
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